ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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