Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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