it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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