Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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