i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
