I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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