Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
