I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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