i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
