Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
