8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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