If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
