For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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