So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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