When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
