who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
