K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
