Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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