her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
