You made me cry and you don't even care
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
