sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
