Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
