Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
