Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
