I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
