Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
