Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
