Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
