If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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