Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
