He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
