You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
