I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
