We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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