Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
