when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
