Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
