Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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