SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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