I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
