giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
