I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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