half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
