umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fuck appropriateness.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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