WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
