dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
