i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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