Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
