I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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