i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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