We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
