You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
