Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
