Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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