Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My bed smells like the plague
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
