jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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