10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
