Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
