We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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