peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
