Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize