the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
