You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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