at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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