end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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