he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
