We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
