I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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