And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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