??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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