Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
