After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
