remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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