You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Two words: nipple clamps
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